What Were You Thinking?

Your Beliefs Shape Your Reality

“This is never going to get better.” “I’ve always been terrible with money.” “There’s not enough time in the day.” “I can’t see a way out of this.” “No one understands how difficult this is.” “I’m always behind on documentation.” “I’ll never have time for my family.”

Ever heard these before? Ever said these (or something like it) yourself? Statements like these, whether verbalized or simply floating around in your head, can paint a picture that is a distortion of reality.

Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with these thoughts because there is likely some level of truth to them (see my previous blog on Restraining Factors vs Redeeming Facts). But, we can get ourselves into trouble when we allow these thoughts to run around unchecked.

Why does this matter? What’s the harm with indulging in a few venting thoughts or questions about ourselves or the world around us? It comes down to how it affects our reality.

It may seem like a jump at first. I mean, really, how can your beliefs actually shape your reality?

Let me walk you through it. Your beliefs are your perception and understanding of everything. From this flows your thinking (and often times your feelings). These thoughts and feelings will, in turn, influence how you respond or act in any given scenario. And the sum of your actions will directly impact your reality.

Beliefs → Thoughts/Feelings → Actions → Reality

Here’s an example: Infinity scrolling YouTube Shorts late at night when you should be going to bed (not that I have any experience with this)

BELIEF – I’m not disciplined to get enough sleep

THOUGHT/FEELING – It’s impossible to get to bed on time

ACTION – [YouTube Shorts notification pings phone at 8:40pm] I choose to click on it and proceed to watch 30 minutes of useless and mildly entertaining videos

REALITY – I am exhausted and tired which impairs my judgment the next evening when that same notification pops up again

So how do you stop the cycle and start changing your reality?

1. Identify

   Recognize and write out the belief that you have. It helps to start with any negative or limiting thoughts you might be saying or thinking, then identify what is the belief behind those thoughts. These beliefs often come from a place of fear, lack of confidence, anger, hurt, or general pride.

2. Improve
   

   After you’ve identified what your belief is, you then need to determine the amount of truth (as best you can) within that belief. If it is completely false, just reject it entirely. But, as with most beliefs, if there is any amount of truth (or completely true) you’ll need to reframe it so that it works for you and not against you. You might think, “I have too much school debt and will never get ahead.” Dwelling on this only holds you back. Instead, you can revise your belief to say, “I am capable of becoming debt free but haven’t yet figured out how to do it.” This opens you up to the possibilities to begin creatively solving that problem.

3. Institute
   

   Establish your new belief. Write it down if you need to. You must begin living in the truth that will enable real progress. I don’t like the phrase “fake it till you make it” because it can imply some falsehood in your new belief. It is important to make sure you aren’t lying to yourself, but it is equally necessary to acknowledge the discomfort that you will feel as you take action and make decisions based on this belief.

Simply ignoring or dismissing your limiting beliefs will prevent you from finding the success or making the progress necessary to become who you want to be: a better therapist, a more loving husband or wife, a gentle father or mother, a present friend, a disciplined professional.

By taking action to resist these restraining factors and living with your redeeming facts and beliefs, you can achieve your goals without compromising your greatest values.

If you want help with how to change your thinking and envision a better future, sign up for my workshop!