Marriage: It’s Not for You
Marriage is simple…
Before you shut down your device and hunt me down, hear me out.
Marriage is an institution rooted in love and commitment, a beautiful union between a man and a woman.
It is incredibly difficult, but we tend to overcomplicate it.
And in our quickly shifting culture, marriage is seen simply as a preference among a smorgasbord of options, making it even more challenging to uphold its significance.
But what if I told you, marriage is not for you?
Marriage is not for you…
In our quest for finding connection in this world, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking marriage is for us.
Finding “the one”. Someone who understands you. True love.
We are bombarded with media’s mixed messaging telling us all the ways that we can be satisfied in our deepest and closest relationship.
Though it’s true that being known and loved may be a remarkable blessing in marriage, this shouldn’t be the principal reason for pursuing it.
This is an inherently self-focused way of viewing marriage. We prioritize our own desires, needs, and ambitions, forgetting that a successful union requires selflessness and sacrifice.
We lose sight of the fact that our spouse is an equal participant in this sacred bond, requiring our love, understanding, and support…even when they don’t deserve it (no more than we deserve it in return).
The Struggle is Real
Today, traditional values and commitments are sometimes overshadowed or devalued by societal norms that promote individualism, instant gratification, and convenience.
Is it any wonder that, according to an article by Sowald Sowald Anderson Hawley & Johnson, an estimated 41% of first marriages will end in divorce?
This cultural shift can undermine the esteem and sanctity of marriage, making it increasingly difficult to navigate its challenges and maintain a strong connection.
Amidst the complexities and cultural challenges, the ultimate question arises: Are you willing to stick it through in the hard times?
True commitment means weathering the storms of life together, embracing the highs and lows, and standing firm even when faced with adversity. It demands unwavering dedication and the willingness to prioritize another above your own individual desires.
Don’t misunderstand me. There are very real and necessary grounds for divorce that have sadly been needed throughout the history of this broken world.
But the fact still stands that if you neglect to put the other first in your marriage, it can have profound consequences.
Quite often, I’m astounded (and ashamed to admit) just how big of a jerk I can be to my wife.
The carelessness of my actions. The thoughtlessness of my words. Even my direct attempts to manipulate. It’s awful!
And it always stems from my focus and desire to have my own “needs” met.
The Stakes
By failing to invest time and effort into your spouse, you risk creating distance and resentment between each other.
Emotional disconnection may gradually erode the foundation of trust, intimacy, and friendship, leading to a breakdown in communication and ultimately, the deterioration of the relationship itself.
Additionally, neglecting to prioritize your marriage sets a detrimental example for future generations, perpetuating a cycle of broken relationships.
So how can we prioritize our marriages and learn to put our spouse first?
Here are 5 approaches to get started…
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Effective Communication
Establish open and honest communication channels with your partner. Actively listen, express your thoughts and feelings, and make an effort to understand each other’s perspectives. Regularly check in with one another to ensure you are both on the same page.
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Quality Time
Carve out dedicated time to spend together regularly. Engage in shared activities, go on date nights, or simply enjoy quiet moments of togetherness. Disconnect from digital distractions and focus on nurturing your bond.
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Express Gratitude and Admiration
Cultivate an environment of respect and appreciation within your marriage. Write notes and letters. Acknowledge each other’s strengths, efforts, and contributions. Speak highly of them in front of other people. Foster an atmosphere of love and encouragement.
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Embrace Growth and Change
Recognize that individuals and relationships evolve over time. Embrace personal growth and support your partner’s journey. Encourage each other to pursue individual interests and maintain a sense of self, while still fostering a strong partnership.
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Ask (and Offer) Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a crucial component of any thriving marriage. Grudges and resentment build barriers between couples. Learn to let go of past hurts and practice forgiveness. Apologize when you make mistakes and show it. Be willing to forgive your partner as well, so you can foster healing, understanding, and growth within your marriage.
Marriage is not for you. It’s for your spouse.
When you have this mindset, you stop focusing on you and you start putting their needs above your own.
The Benefits?
- Solid emotional support system
- Sense of security, comfort, and companionship
- Personal growth, as partners motivate and inspire each other to reach their full potential
- Positive example for children and the wider community, demonstrating the power of love, commitment, and teamwork
While marriage is certainly difficult, it’s foundation is simple: redirecting your focus from yourself to another.
By prioritizing your marriage and weathering the challenges that arise, you can cultivate a thriving and connected relationship. As you navigate the changing tides of our culture, remember that the stakes are high and the rewards are immeasurable.